My Boyfriend's Ex-Girlfriend Is Stalking Me

What is stalking?

Gone are the days when stalking was as simple as a creepy man in a black hoodie peeking through your window or following you down a dark alley. Nowadays, stalking is broader than that, thanks to technology.

Stalking is any surveillance, harassment, or intimidation against you — both online and offline — especially when it’s constant.

• If someone tracks your phone, that’s stalking
• If they watch your every move in person and/or on the internet, that’s stalking
• If they keep reaching out to you even when you’ve told them not to, that’s stalking.

Why is your ex-boyfriend's girlfriend stalking you?

Unless a stalker outright tells you why they’re spying on you, there’s no real way of knowing. However, chances are your boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend is stalking you for one or more of the reasons below:

• She’s obsessed with your boyfriend
• She wants him back, especially if she’s single
• She thinks you don’t deserve him
• She’s jealous he’s moved on with you
• She hasn’t received closure
• She doesn’t understand boundaries
• She believes that if she can’t have him, no one else will
• She’s curious about who he’s dating.

Sometimes, it’s innocent. Other times, it’s weird. She shouldn’t be monitoring you, especially if you haven’t done anything bad to her. No matter what your boyfriend’s ex tells you, you’re not responsible for their actions. You don’t deserve to be harassed.

Signs that an ex-girlfriend is stalking a new girlfriend

You might be unsure if you’re being stalked if you’ve never had to deal with a stalker or had to handle a stalker ex. More often than not, when someone suspects they’re being stalked, they’re right. Your gut will alert you when you’re being watched, so trust it and look out for the clues. But what about situations involving your boyfriend’s ex?

Here are the signs that your man’s ex-girlfriend may be stalking you:

Cyberstalking you

Your boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend is cyberstalking you if she does any of the following:

• Tracking you online
• Impersonating you on social media
• Accessing your social media accounts
• Encouraging people to harass you online
• Monitoring you through fake social media accounts
• Sending you unwanted texts, emails, and other virtual communication
• Spamming the comments section of your social posts with unpleasant comments.

If someone is watching you through your phone camera, or you believe your phone is being tracked, those are also signs you’re being cyberstalked.

You can limit stalking online by using a VPN service. A VPN is like a virtual wall that keeps bad actors out — that’s anyone who has no business spying on you.

Clario is a comprehensive anti-spy app. It includes a reliable VPN tool that helps you fly under the radar online. Here’s how:

• It allows you to connect to servers in another part of the world
• It hides your IP address, which can be used to find out where you live and obtain your personal information
• It prevents people from finding out what you’ve been doing online, like the websites you visit
• Bonus: It can help you access streaming services that aren’t available in your country/region.

If your boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend or ex-wife is harassing you, prioritize your security by using Claro’s VPN tool.

Here’s how to use Clario’s VPN to protect your privacy:

1. Download Clario on your mobile phone (Clario is also compatible with macOS) and get a subscription to set up an account
2. Enable Browsing protection
3. Tap Turn on > Allow and enter your phone’s passcode if needed.

That’s it. You can now browse the internet safely, knowing Clario’s got you covered.

Now, back to the signs that your boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend is stalking you.

Following you from your home

Sometimes, a stalker will wait outside your home, so they can follow you. This allows them to learn your routine in case they want to approach you. If they watch you long enough, they’ll know the public places you frequent and with whom, so they can get you alone if they intend to confront or attack you.

Driving by your home frequently

It’s common for a stalker to stake out your home over time. Your boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend may watch your home to see how often he comes around or if other people come around. If she sees other males dropping by, she could use that to accuse you of stepping out on your relationship, so you can get into trouble with your boyfriend. Other times, it’s just obsessive behavior with no end goal. If you notice a suspicious-looking car driving by multiple times, it could be your boyfriend’s ex stalking you.

Showing up everywhere you regularly go

If your stalker monitors your movements, they may show up everywhere you go. If you notice them at the places you frequent with your boyfriend, they’re stalking you. They may confront you or pretend it’s a coincidence. Keep in mind that if it happens regularly, it’s intentional, and they’re likely following you to other places too.

Harassing you with phone calls

Depending on her reasons for stalking you, your boyfriend’s ex might call you repeatedly. They might demand answers about your relationship if they believe your boyfriend cheated on them with you. Or, they might ask you personal questions out of curiosity or to compare themselves against you. If they harass you, hurl insults at you, or just don’t stop calling, that’s stalking.

Asking people about you

Sometimes, your boyfriend’s ex might still communicate with his friends or family members. Maybe they even share mutual friends. She might start asking them questions related to your personal life and relationship. You’re probably being stalked if you start hearing rumors that she’s sniffing around.

Sending you repeated and/or threatening text messages or emails

If a girl pops up out of nowhere and starts sending you threatening messages or emails, or multiple text messages, she’s stalking you. You’ll know it’s likely your boyfriend’s ex if she mentions him.

Posting your personal information online

If your boyfriend’s ex dislikes you, she might try to recruit more people to feel the same way about you. She may post your personal information online to encourage people to harass you, usually by spreading false information about you to justify their behavior. This can include your phone number, home and work address, social media accounts, and even your family members’ sensitive information.

Spreading rumors about you online or offline

In most cases, stalkers try to humiliate you by talking about your past, including your dating history, and lying about your intimate relationships to ruin your reputation. If a woman spreads lies about how your relationship came to be or about you personally, she’s probably stalking you.

Building a case against your stalker can be difficult without a confession. Consider documenting all incidents of stalking in case you decide to involve law enforcement.

What to do when your partner’s ex is stalking you

A host of thoughts might flood your mind when you realize you’re being stalked. How do you handle it? Do you confront them? If they’re lying about you, do you defend yourself and clear your name?

Here’s what to do if your boyfriend’s ex is harassing you:

Maintain self-control at all times

Sometimes, stalkers do everything they can to provoke you, so they have a reason to defend themselves or, worse, report you to law enforcement. That’s why it’s important to maintain your cool as much as you can by controlling your emotions. Keeping a level head also allows you to act wisely when you’re being harassed or intimidated. Consider seeing a therapist to help you with this.

Take some time off social media

If your boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend is taunting you online, it could start affecting your mental health and give you anxiety. If the stalking gets too much, or you want to limit your stalker’s impact, stay offline. Deactivate your social media accounts and focus on managing the situation.

Take the stalking seriously

The more someone stalks you, the more likely they are to become unhinged, which makes them unpredictable. According to the Bureau of Justice Statistics, approximately 67% of victims who were stalked in person and with the use of technology were afraid of being killed or physically harmed in 2019.

No matter how you handle the situation, you’ll never be able to control or predict a stalker’s responses, behavior, or next move. Some people have nothing to lose. Never take stalking for granted.

Get a restraining order

If you can prove your stalker is monitoring, harassing, or abusing you, you can apply for a restraining order. Sometimes, this is essential to prevent them from coming close to you or contacting you. The details may vary per state, so find out what the requirements and implications are in yours.

Block stalker from interacting with you

Block your partner’s ex and all her known friends online and on your phone to prevent them from cyberstalking and cyberbullying you. While this won’t stop them from harassing you altogether, it might give you some peace of mind.

Avoid your boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend as much as possible

Unless you run in the same circles, you can stay away from your boyfriend’s obsessive ex. Avoid going to the places she goes to, and walk away if you ever run into her. The point is to not give her the time of day in the hopes that she’ll eventually leave you alone.

Talk to your boyfriend about what’s happening

As much as your boyfriend might not want to talk to his ex-girlfriend, he may be the only person who can get through to her. Because he knows her personally, he may know the right things to say to get her to stand down.

Have confidence in yourself and your relationship

Your boyfriend’s crazy ex might still be in love with him. She may be harassing you because she wants him back and hopes to cause issues between you two. Have confidence in the fact that your boyfriend chose you and continues to stand by you through this ordeal.

Avoid your partner’s ex-girlfriend

Stalking is an unpleasant experience, especially when a toxic ex is trying to ruin your new relationship. Remember, there’s only so much you can do, so control what you can. Avoid your boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend, block them online, and get your boyfriend involved.

Use Clario’s VPN tool to ensure she can’t get her hands on your personal information, like where you live, by finding your IP address. That will prevent her from hacking your online accounts, viewing your browsing history, and tracking your movements.