Toxic Boyfriend Signs

What does toxic boyfriend mean

A toxic boyfriend is a partner who treats you badly. There’s probably a pattern of negative behavior in your relationship—maybe he consistently belittles you, criticizes you, or tries to manipulate you. In a healthy relationship, you should feel confident and supported by your partner. However, a toxic boyfriend might make you feel constantly anxious, on edge, or like you’re in danger.

Your boyfriend might not be violent, but he can still be emotionally abusive. Being in a toxic relationship can damage your mental health and make you doubt yourself. It’s essential to be aware of the biggest red flags, so you can create an exit plan if necessary.

How to know if your boyfriend is toxic

To know if your boyfriend is toxic, ask yourself if he’s jealous or controlling. Does he gaslight you, or try to control you by getting angry or upset? He might criticize you, belittle your achievements, or try to isolate you from close friends or family. Perhaps he experiences angry mood swings, which can make you feel anxious.

Does this sound familiar? Find out more about what a toxic boyfriend is, and, if you recognize these signs in your relationship, consider whether you’re safe.

Concerned that your boyfriend is toxic? Ask yourself these questions:

• Does my boyfriend criticize me, even as a joke?
• Does he belittle my achievements?
• Is he jealous or possessive?
• Does he check my phone or track my location?
• Does he cry or threaten to hurt himself when I don’t do as he asks?
• Does he stop me from seeing friends or family?
• Does he push back when I set boundaries?

If you’ve answered yes to any of these questions, and you feel like you can’t share your concerns with your partner, he might be toxic. You may want to talk to trusted friends or family, and make a plan to leave.

1. Criticism and belittling

Your boyfriend might criticize you. Perhaps he mocks your appearance, career, or ability to accomplish certain things. He might belittle you to other people—maybe he makes comments about your weight to his friends, or tells people that you can’t be trusted to make decisions for yourself.

Your partner might pretend that these comments are just jokes. He might even tell you that you’re overreacting if you feel upset.

However, this repeated criticism and belittling can really lower your self-esteem. In many cases, emotionally abusive men know exactly how to hurt you. They might make passive-aggressive comments that sound like compliments to outsiders. They pick the areas that you feel most self-conscious about, and target their criticism there. Perhaps you’re trying to lose weight, recovering from an addiction, or out of work. You’ll know that your boyfriend is toxic if he doesn’t support you, but instead makes you feel worse about yourself.

2. Excessive jealousy and possessiveness

One of the most common signs of a toxic boyfriend is jealousy. He might accuse you of cheating on him or refuse to let you spend time with other people. Maybe he says that he only does this because he loves you—but this kind of possessiveness shouldn’t happen in a healthy relationship.

Your guy might even spy on you. He might check your phone to check who you’re messaging, or install spyware to find out what you’re doing online.

Clario Anti Spy can help you find out if your partner is spying on you through your phone. The app’s Unlock catcher can discreetly take photos of anyone who unlocks your phone, so you’ll know if they’ve been accessing it.

One customer recently contacted Clario because she was worried that her husband was secretly checking her phone. It wasn’t safe for her to change her device’s passcode to stop him, but she wanted to know for sure whether he was accessing her phone. The Clario experts explained how to use the Unlock catcher—it was exactly the solution she needed at the time.

How to check if someone is accessing your phone:

1. Download Clario Anti Spy and set up a subscription.
2. Enable the Unlock catcher.
3. Lock your phone. When you return to your phone, check the Unlock catcher’s Photos.

A toxic partner might install monitoring software on your phone. This might give him access to your messages, or even your location, camera, or microphone, allowing him to check up on you in real life. Clario Anti Spy’s Hidden app scan can detect hidden apps on your phone, allowing you to remove them.

Karen, one of the Clario experts, recently spoke to a customer who was worried about her partner’s behavior. He seemed to know who she was talking to and knew information she hadn’t shared with him. Karen talked the customer through running a Hidden App Scan on her phone to check for spyware—and they discovered a suspicious app running in the background, potentially monitoring all her conversations.

How to find out if there’s spyware on your phone:

1. Download Clario Anti Spy and subscribe.
2. Under Hidden app scan, tap Scan.
3. When the scan is complete, look for hidden apps or apps with suspicious permissions. Do you recognize all of these apps, or has your boyfriend installed spyware to monitor you?

3. Manipulation and gaslighting

Your partner might use emotional manipulation or gaslighting to control you. Both of these behaviors can make you doubt yourself.

He might try to manipulate you by making you feel guilty. Perhaps he cries or threatens to harm himself if you don’t do as he says. Alternatively, he might get angry with you. Whatever method he uses, he’s probably doing it to control you.

Gaslighting is another type of manipulation, where an emotional abuser makes you question your own memories or perception of reality. Maybe your boyfriend tells you that something didn’t happen when you know it did.

If your boyfriend is gaslighting you, it can really mess with your mental health. You might start to question your own sanity—you’re sure that you remember something, but your partner insists it didn’t, and you don’t know who to trust.

Over time, your boyfriend might convince you that he’s the right one. Repeated gaslighting can lead to increased reliance on your partner.

4. Controlling behavior and isolation

A toxic boyfriend might try to control your life. Maybe he’s always the one who plans what activities you do, what you eat, or even what you wear.

In most couples, both partners take turns making decisions. If your partner is always the one who’s in charge, this can be a big red flag—especially if he doesn’t take your feelings into account. Does he stop you from spending time on your own hobbies and interests?

His controlling behaviors could even extend to who you see. He might keep you away from family and friends—meaning that you’re isolated from your support system.

Some toxic boyfriends use isolation as a tool to keep their partners dependent on them. If you don’t have access to your support system, you’re less likely to tell them about any relationship issues. He might even be keeping you away from family and friends so that they don’t notice the indicators of emotional abuse in your relationship.

5. Lack of respect and empathy

Does your boyfriend respect you, or does he repeatedly invalidate how you feel? A good partner will take the time to listen to you, understand your views, and be polite and kind. A toxic guy probably won’t.

Maybe he dismisses what you say, even in front of other people. Perhaps he just doesn’t listen to you at all.

This lack of respect and emotional neglect can be tough to endure. If your partner doesn’t seem to listen to you or care about your feelings, you might try and get closer to him to force a connection—and he’ll probably pull away further. This push-pull dynamic is often seen in unhealthy relationships.

6. Disrespecting your boundaries

Some toxic partners won’t let you set boundaries. If your boyfriend is controlling, he might be angry that you’ve tried to say no to him. He might be trying to assert dominance.

It’s normal to have boundaries in a relationship, and you might have asked your boyfriend to respect certain emotional or physical limits. Perhaps you’ve asked your boyfriend to avoid public displays of affection, or said that you don’t want him to check your phone. If he repeatedly violates those boundaries, that’s a big sign that your boyfriend is toxic.

Does your boyfriend repeatedly violate your physical boundaries? Unwanted touch can be assault.

7. Blame shifting and lack of responsibility

A toxic boyfriend might refuse to take accountability for anything. Whether it’s who started an argument, who broke a plate, or who forgot to book a dental appointment, toxic men will tell you they were never at fault. It was always you.

8. Emotional volatility

Some common toxic boyfriend traits are unpredictable mood swings and emotional outbursts. You never know how your partner will act—and that can be scary.

Maybe he withdraws from you, or shouts at you, even if you’re in public. He might punch walls, break things, or even hurt you.

All of these actions are used to control you. He probably knows that you’re scared of these outbursts. You might start to avoid mentioning certain topics or doing particular things, trying to avoid upsetting this unpredictable guy.

Lots of toxic partners are kind and loving after an angry outburst. They’re often extra affectionate and attentive, so you start to trust them again. This period, known as love-bombing, is vital for trauma bonding—the strong emotional attachment created between a victim and their abuser. Even if you want to leave your partner, you feel dependent on them because of these positive moments.

9. Feel anxious, exhausted, or in danger

One of the signs your boyfriend is toxic is if he makes you feel bad. Being in an emotionally abusive relationship can really harm your mental health—you might feel anxious or threatened a lot of the time, even when he’s not nearby.

It’s understandable that you’re worried. Your boyfriend’s behavior is unpredictable, and you never know when he’s going to get angry, gaslight you, or check your phone. You might be isolated from friends and family, so you don’t have a strong support system.

This chronic anxiety can make you physically ill. You might have already noticed that you feel worried or tearful, but being under constant tension can also lead to trouble sleeping, fatigue, headaches, digestive problems, and even high blood pressure.

Mental health struggles don’t always end when a toxic relationship does. Recovery can take a while. It’s normal for abuse victims to continue to feel anxious or hypervigilant even after they’ve left. You might worry that your ex will find you, or what your future will look like.

If you’ve escaped an abusive relationship, consider going to therapy to work through the trauma you’ve experienced. A good therapist can also help you set expectations for future relationships.

10. He belittles your achievements

One of the most common signs of a toxic boyfriend or husband is that he isn’t happy for you when you succeed. Maybe you’ve just got a promotion, or you’re proud of another great achievement. A toxic partner won’t be happy for you—instead, he’ll minimize your accomplishments. He wants to be the superior one in the relationship, and he feels threatened by your success.

11. You can't express your concerns

In a healthy relationship, both partners can talk about their concerns. If you have an issue, you should be able to discuss it openly with your boyfriend. However, the toxicity in your relationship might suppress that open communication.

If you notice toxic boyfriend signs and bring up concerns about your relationship, a controlling partner might get angry, laugh at you, or even threaten to harm himself.

Conclusion

Signs your boyfriend is toxic might include excessive jealousy, controlling behavior, angry emotional outbursts, and constant criticism. He might belittle your achievements, refuse to respect boundaries, and shift the blame onto you when there are problems.

Toxic boyfriend traits can be really hard to live with—especially when you don’t know what he’s doing. You might suspect that he’s checking up on you, but finding out for sure can help you decide what to do next. Clario Anti Spy’s Unlock catcher and Hidden app scan can let you gather information about your partner’s controlling behaviors, so you can stay safe.