Ex-Husband Stalking New Boyfriend

Why ex-husband might be stalking partner’s new relationship

There are lots of reasons why your ex-husband might be stalking your new boyfriend. It often happens after an abusive relationship. If you’ve escaped domestic violence and found a new partner, your ex might try to retaliate. But stalking can happen after any breakup.  

Some of the most common reasons for someone to stalk their ex-wife or girlfriend’s new partner include:

• Jealousy, particularly if he still has feelings for you  
• Wanting to control you
• Struggling to accept that the marriage or relationship is over  
• An attempt to intimidate you or your partner

But whatever the reason, stalking is wrong. And, sometimes, a stalker might escalate to more dangerous or violent behavior.  

Signs that your ex-husband is stalking your new boyfriend

If you’re concerned about being tracked, you should learn how to know if your ex stalks you or your partner.  

You might not always have evidence of your ex-husband stalking the new boyfriend, but there are some signs to watch for. These include changes in behavior and digital signs that your partner is being watched.  

I’ve put together some checklists you can use to work out whether your ex is stalking or harassing your new partner.  

Behavioral signs

• Does your ex regularly show up where your boyfriend is for no reason? For example, turning up at his house or workplace.  
• Does your ex often know where your boyfriend is? For example, when he has a doctor’s appointment or what day of the week he goes shopping.  
• Do mutual friends report that your ex asks a lot of questions about your new partner?  
• Do family members or friends say that your ex spends a lot of time talking about your partner?
• Does your ex regularly call or send messages, even after being asked to stop?

If you’ve answered yes to any of these questions, your ex-husband might be stalking your new boyfriend.  

Digital surveillance signs

• Does your ex often like or interact with your partner’s social media posts?
• Does your partner receive messages from unknown accounts or numbers?  
• Does your ex log in (or attempt to log in) to old shared online accounts?
• Have you noticed cameras or recording devices in your home, especially after your ex has visited?
• Have you or your partner noticed unknown apps on your phones, especially after your ex has been near them?  

If you’ve answered yes to any of these questions, it could mean that your ex-husband is stalking your new boyfriend.  

If your ex has had access to either of your phones, he might have installed spy apps so he can stalk you both. You might not see these apps—after all, they’re designed to secretly track what you’re doing.  

Clario Anti Spy can help you check your Android phone for hidden apps so that you can remove anything suspicious.  

How to check for hidden spy apps on Android:

1. Download Clario Anti Spy and set up a subscription.
2. Tap Spyware scan.
3. When the scan is complete, follow the on-screen instructions to check the hidden apps.

If you have an iPhone, you’re in luck. Apple’s security features mean that it’s harder to install spy apps. iOS doesn’t let apps see what other apps are doing—this is called sandboxing. Spy apps can’t check up on your messages, calls, or other things you’re doing on your phone.

But if your iPhone is jailbroken, you don’t get these security protections. And, if an abusive ex has access to your partner’s phone, he might jailbreak it to install spyware.  

Clario Anti Spy’s Device system check can alert you to jailbreaks on your iPhone—and also check for iOS security updates.

How to check if your iPhone is secure:

1. Download Clario Anti Spy and sign up for a subscription.
2. Under Device system check, tap Scan.
3. When the scan is complete, Clario Anti Spy will tell you if your phone is jailbroken or if there are security updates available.

How to talk to your new partner about situation

Your ex-husband stalking you or your boyfriend might feel scared or embarrassed. But you need to talk about it with your partner—for his own safety.  

Explain the situation clearly to him. If you have evidence, share it with him.

Remember to check in with your partner’s feelings. He might be worried, upset, or even feel angry. Give him the opportunity to talk about his feelings.

You might like to follow this script:

• I think that my ex-husband is stalking you.  
• I’ve noticed that he’s often at your workplace/asking our friends about you/liking your old social media posts.
• I’m concerned because he’s been violent in the past/this behavior is unusual for him/he struggled to accept the idea of our breakup.  
• For our safety, I think we should block him on social media/check our phones for spy apps/consider taking out a restraining order.
• We need to make sure that we stay safe. Perhaps we should have a code word if we need to leave a situation quickly, or share our location with each other online.
• This isn’t your fault or mine. We should keep talking to each other about this.
• How are you feeling?

If you’re worried that someone has bugged your house or your partner’s phone, have this conversation in a safe space where you can’t be overheard.

How to protect your privacy against your ex-husband's stalking  

You and your partner should take some steps to stay safe in person and protect personal information online.

Don’t confront him—he could become violent.  

Instead, protect your privacy online and in person, and, if necessary, contact law enforcement or legal advisors about getting a restraining order. This would mean that it’s illegal for your ex to contact you or your new partner.

How to protect yourself in person:

• Tell him to stop contacting you and your new partner, if it’s possible and safe to do so.  
• Avoid letting him into your home.  
• Tell coworkers, neighbors, and mutual friends about the situation so they can alert you if your ex is hanging around or asking questions.  
• Ask family members and friends not to share details with your ex.
• Don’t contact him yourself.  
• Check for surveillance cameras and other recording devices in your home or car. If you share custody of children, check for trackers when they return from visits.  

How to protect yourself online:

• Block him on social media.
• Make sure that your social media accounts are locked down, and avoid adding unknown contacts.  
• Don’t share your location on social media.
• If you suspect he knows your passwords, change them immediately. Choose new passwords that are hard to guess, or use a password manager to generate passwords for you.
• Avoid using old shared logins or online accounts.  
• Change your phone number or email address to stop him contacting you.
• Check your phone’s app permissions and regularly check for spy apps or trackers.
• Read the Clario Anti Spy blog to learn more about how to protect yourself online, especially how to protect yourself from cyberstalking.  

You can get advice from domestic abuse support organizations, as well.  

If you’re in the US, the National Domestic Violence Hotline can help you navigate abusive relationships, including stalking. If you’re elsewhere in the world, you can contact:

• Australia: 1800Respect
• Canada: The Assaulted Women's Helpline
• New Zealand: Women’s Refuge NZ
• UK: Refuge and Respect

In an emergency, always call the police or other local law enforcement services.

When to seek professional help (legal or psychological)

If you’ve discovered your ex-husband stalking your new boyfriend, you and your partner are probably scared.  

Don’t let this fear take over. Reach out to professionals for support.  

A therapist can help you both cope with the fear of stalking and move past the anxiety.  

Alternatively, a domestic abuse advocate or legal counselor can advise you on the next steps to take to protect yourself from a stalker. This might include changing custody arrangements, requesting a restraining order, or pressing charges.

Your local domestic abuse organization might signpost you towards these resources. Or, using a safe device, search for domestic abuse advocates or legal counselors in your area.  

Conclusion

If your ex-husband is stalking your new boyfriend, it can be hard to know what steps to take.  

You should watch out for the signs of stalking, both physical and digital. Is your ex following your partner around? Does he send lots of messages or call often, even when asked to stop? Is there spyware on your boyfriend’s phone?

If you suspect stalking, talk to your new partner. Take steps to protect yourselves, and seek professional help if you need it.

If you’re struggling to work out if your partner is being stalked, check your phone for spy apps or other issues with Clario Anti Spy. The app can alert you to potential threats, allowing you to take action and stay safe.