Narcissist Stalking

Who are narcissists?

“Narcissist” is a term that gets thrown around a lot, so much that it is often misused. However, it’s a term used to describe individuals with a specific personality disorder.

Here are some characteristics of a narcissist:

• Entitled
• Arrogant
• Patronizing
• Demeaning
• Intimidating
• Demanding
• Manipulative
• Bullying others
• Belittling others
• Shamelessly exploiting others
• Thriving off admiration and praise
• Not responding well to criticism
• Lacking empathy and compassion.

Note: The characteristics above don’t always point to someone being a narcissist. However, narcissists display some of this behavior due to their psychological makeup and personality.

Contrary to popular belief, narcissistic traits don’t only exist in romantic relationships. And although narcissists are typically male, females can show narcissistic traits too. These traits show up in nearly every area of a narcissist's life, including their professional, personal, and family relationships. Narcissism can be either overt (extroverted) or covert (introverted).

Signs of narcissist stalking

Still not sure if you’re dealing with a narcissistic stalker? Consider if you’ve noticed any of the narcissist stalking signs below:

• Not respecting your boundaries. A narcissistic stalker will continue to reach out and engage with you even after your breakup. Sometimes, they’ll go out of their way to “bump into you” in public, so you can talk.
• Showing obsessive behavior. When narcissist stalker doesn’t have the same access they enjoyed previously, they show a lack of self-control. Don’t be surprised if he starts contacting you repeatedly or reaching out to your parent or neighbor to get to you. Remember, harassment is also a form of stalking.
• Demanding attention from you. Narcissists feel entitled to your attention, so they’ll demand it if they don’t get it.
• Buying you gifts without your consent. Your stalker knows what you like, so they’ll resort to getting it for you to get your attention. These can be expensive gifts, which shows the lengths the narcissist will go to get what they want.
• Making threats against you or intimidating you. Narcissists usually lack self-control. Your narcissist stalker will lose all decorum when you implement boundaries with them. This can result in them threatening you in the hopes that you’ll relent out of fear.
• Spreading lies and rumors about you online. Narcissist stalkers do this to make you look bad, ruin your reputation, and make themselves look good in the eyes of the public. It also somehow justifies their behavior toward you, at least in their minds, but it’s abusive.
• Always showing up where you are. Even though you don’t talk to the narcissist, they somehow show up everywhere you go. This is a sign your narcissist ex is tracking your phone and that they’re dangerous.

Being stalked is an unsettling experience. It can be a source of anxiety and depression, especially if it’s by someone you were once involved with. Ex-partners and secret admirers can trace your phone or monitor what you do online using your IP address to keep tabs on you. But it doesn’t have to be that way.

A VPN is a must-have when dealing with a narcissist because they lack boundaries and won’t think twice about spying on you. Protect your privacy by using a VPN service. Clario’s VPN tool hides your IP address to prevent others from spying on you.

Here’s how to use it:

1. Download Clario on your device and set up an account
2. Toggle on Browsing protection in the Quick VPN actions section
3. Tap Turn on > Allow > Done
4. You’ll be connected to the fastest server, but you can click on the location to choose a different one. Try not to choose a server close to your location to be safe.

Why do narcissists stalk you?

A narcissist can behave so bizarrely that you might wonder why they’re stalking you in the first place. Here are the possible reasons:

• An overinflated ego
• Desire to manipulate
• Very messy boundaries
• Stalking as an attempt to bully
• Fake attempts at an apology
• Stalking is like a game for them
• Seeking revenge

An overinflated ego

Deep down, stalkers aren’t as confident or perfect as they pretend to be. Their egos usually hide the shame and inadequacy they may feel. Sometimes, it’s rooted in something they experienced in their childhood or adolescent years. However, they can’t bear to face anything negative about themselves, so they mask it all with an inflated ego, which they rely on others to stroke. That’s why your narcissist ex is stalking you.

Desire to manipulate

Everything a narcissist does is self-serving, so he stalks you to manipulate you. If you have a strong support system, the stalker would want to isolate you by pulling you away from friends and family members like your mother or father. This will allow them to continue to control you, abuse you, and keep you dependent on them.

Very messy boundaries

Narcissists are very good at implementing personal boundaries, but they don’t respect other people’s boundaries. That’s why the narcissist starts watching you. For instance, they can give you the silent treatment as punishment, but they refuse to accept it when you keep them at arm’s length.

Stalking as an attempt to bully

Abuse is at the top of the list of a narcissist’s toxic behaviors. When a narcissist doesn’t get his way, he becomes a bully. Remember, narcissists lack care and compassion, so they aren’t moved when you’re upset or sad as a result of their abuse. In fact, it’s almost as if they want to get that kind of reaction from you.

Fake attempts at an apology

In keeping with a narcissist’s manipulation tactics, he may stalk you to give you a fake apology, so you can grant them access to you again. Narcissists are very calculated in their behavior, so take nothing they do as genuine. Don’t fall for their gimmicks, no matter how sincere they seem.

Stalking is like a game for them

Because narcissists are entitled people, they’ll do anything to get their way. That’s why they take resistance as a challenge. Instead of taking you seriously when you implement a no-contact policy with them, they may take it as a game and watch you instead. This means they’ll leave no stone unturned to get the desired results.

Seeking revenge

If a narcissist disagrees with your decision to go no-contact with them, they may convince themselves you’re mistreating them. As a result, they’ll want to get revenge. The narcissist may spy on you in the hopes of getting a chance to hurt you in some way.

How does a narcissist respond to no contact?

Cutting off a narcissist can bring relief, albeit difficult because they typically don’t take it well. Here’s how a narcissist responds when you initiate no-contact:

1. Disregarding your no-contact boundary
2. Acting like you were never important to them
3. Getting upset
4. Making you feel guilty
5. Overwhelming you with affection
6. Won't respect the boundaries of people close to you
7. Criticizing you to other people
8. Trying everything they can to hoover you
9. Pursuing other people
10. Narcissists use your kindness to manipulate you
11. Stalking

Disregarding your no-contact boundary

Narcissists usually have no regard for your boundaries. In many ways, they feel entitled to your time. They may continue to come around your home, workplace, and other places you frequent to initiate contact with you.

When a narcissist does this, don’t back down. Block their number on your phone and social media, including Facebook, to limit the chances of them reaching out to you. This might upset or even enrage them, but they might start reaching out less often after some time.

Acting like you were never important to them

Because narcissists have such a heightened sense of self-importance, they sometimes look down on others or treat them poorly. When you initiate no contact with your narcissist stalker, they might discard you by doing or saying things to make you feel like you never mattered to them. They might tell you they stopped loving you a long time ago or that the relationship was never “that serious”.

Getting upset

Narcissists love being in control of the situation, so they can get upset when you cut them off and break off contact. Don’t be surprised if your stalker finds other means to contact you and possibly insult you, threaten you, or show aggression toward you. They just can’t take the fact that you’re standing up for yourself. Be prepared to experience this, so that it doesn’t affect your emotional health when it happens.

Making you feel guilty

Manipulation is one of a narcissist’s favorite tactics, and they’ll almost always use it to get what they want. When you put an end to all contact with your stalker, be prepared for them to start reminding you about everything they’ve ever done for you. They’ll attempt to make you feel sorry for them and blame you for the situation you’re in.

Overwhelming you with affection

If your stalker was someone close to you — like an ex-girlfriend, boyfriend, husband, wife, or friend — they would know what strings to pull to get what they want from you. When you stop talking to them, they may start showing you more affection to get you to change your mind. In romantic or intimate relationships, this is known as “love bombing”.

Won't respect the boundaries of people close to you

A narcissist will leave no stone unturned to get through to you, including harassing your family. Because they don’t respect your boundaries, they’ll reach out to whoever they can to get close to you.

Criticizing you to other people

Speaking of reaching out to people who know you, your malignant stalker could speak ill of you to them to make themselves look good. They may complain, criticize, and even lie about you to feed their ego. Rest assured that those people know you well enough to determine if he’s lying about you or being unfair. They might also be able to see through his farce.

Trying everything they can to hoover you

Just like a hoover sucks things in, a narcissist will do everything they can to get you to come back to them. They’ll make up lies about how miserable they are without you or even shower you with gifts and surprises, all because they want you to relent. When they do this, remind yourself that it’s a manipulation tactic and that they aren’t being genuine.

Pursuing other people

If a narcissist feels you slipping away or truly believes you’re done with them, they’ll replace you. They do this because they need to constantly have their egos stroked, so they seek out someone who can make them feel good. This can be a new partner whom they may flaunt to make you jealous or regretful of your decision. As long as that means the narcissist will leave you alone, you shouldn’t mind it.

Narcissists use your kindness to manipulate you

Narcissists typically go for kind, compassionate people, so they might make up lies about being sick or use anything or anyone you care about to get you to drop your guard. For example, if they know you loved their puppy, they might lie and say it’s fallen ill, so you can show compassion and come around.

Stalking

Narcissists stalk you when they start running out of options. If they’ve convinced themselves that you’ve moved on with someone else, they might want to see if that’s true. They might also be curious about what you’re getting up to without them.

Stop a narcissist from stalking you

Narcissists can be unpredictable, and their actions can affect you in many ways. Take action to stop them from stalking you:

• Block them everywhere
• Ask your loved ones to block them everywhere and stop engaging them in person
• Use a VPN tool to prevent them from tracking your online activity
• Record every interaction with them
• Get a restraining order
• Tell your home and work security personnel to not let them in if they show up
• Get the police involved if they show up anyway.

Healing from the trauma of narcissistic abuse

After standing up for yourself, it’s time to start moving forward. Start by healing from the trauma of narcissistic abuse. Here’s how:

• Label the abuse. Stop making excuses for your narcissistic abuser
• See a therapist to help you unpack your trauma and learn tools to cope with it
• Stop fighting back. Never engage with your stalker if they manage to contact you
• Seek the support of your loved ones
• If you haven’t already, make peace with the ending of the relationship
• Express yourself. Whether it’s talking to someone you trust or journaling your thoughts and feelings, let it out
• Do what makes you happy. Whether it’s finding a new hobby, or doing something you’ve always dreamed of doing, be intentional about finding happiness
• Consider setting your social media profiles to private in case the stalker gets curious about what you’re up to in the future.

Stay safe

Dealing with a narcissist is not easy. It’s emotionally and mentally taxing. Now that you’re getting your freedom back, don’t look back. Protect yourself by staying aware of your surroundings. Stay close to your loved ones. Don’t share your whereabouts online. And finally, use Clario’s VPN tool to hide your IP address and prevent your stalker from keeping tabs on you.