My Ex Has a Girlfriend but Stalks Me

What it means when your ex has a girlfriend but stalks you

Why is your ex stalking you when he has a girlfriend? It’s confusing. However, his new relationship does not necessarily mean he’s moved on. Your ex could be dealing with unresolved feelings toward you, lingering attachments, jealousy, or just plain curiosity. Some stalking exes may have a desire to control you or exact revenge if a relationship ended on a sour note.

All relationships are unique—and the same often goes for the motives behind why people stalk their former partners. Still, if you’re scratching your head about why your ex is stalking you, there are some common reasons for this behavior.

Here’s what it typically means when your ex has a girlfriend but stalks you:

1. Still has strong feelings for you

Your ex may still have strong feelings for you, even if they have a new girlfriend. So why do they have a girlfriend in the first place? His new relationship may not sweep away his residual feelings for you.

The relationship dynamic between your ex and their new girlfriend may be difficult to comprehend. But it’s crucial to understand this: a new relationship is not a sign that your ex has moved on. You shouldn’t take your stalking situation any less seriously than if your ex was single.

2. Ex has lost interest in his current relationship

Just because your ex has (allegedly) moved on doesn’t mean they are happy. Perhaps the glow of your ex’s new relationship has dimmed over time. Or maybe it’s a relationship out of convenience—something he jumped into to get over you. Whatever the reason, he may not be fulfilled with his current girlfriend, hence why he’s stalking you.

Most likely, you had a close connection with your ex at some point. His stalking behavior may be a way to remedy the bad feelings he has in his current relationship. He might reach out for emotional support, vent his frustrations, or ease his boredom. Whatever the reason, if you’re uncomfortable, you don’t need to tolerate it.

3. He wants you to know about his new relationship

If your ex is stalking you while also flaunting his girlfriend, he may be trying to make you jealous. Jealousy can be a tool to validate his worth or feel a sense of power over you. Also, emotionally provoking you through his new relationship may be a ploy to regain your focus on him.

On the flip side, inspiring jealousy in you can be a way for your ex to assert control in his current relationship. By getting you to react to his new relationship, he could make his new partner feel threatened or insecure. Yes, it’s twisted—but so is your ex’s stalking behavior, right? Ultimately, the motivation behind these actions is a need for validation, control (you or his current relationship), or both.

4. Jealous of your current relationship

If you’ve moved on with your love life, your ex might be jealous, even if they have a girlfriend. Their actions could stem from a sense of loss and insecurity, especially if they perceive your current partner as an “upgrade” or a threat to his ego. Also, seeing you moving on may trigger a sense of regret, which triggers him to stalk you.

Moreover, your ex’s jealousy might also be fueled by unresolved feelings for what he once had with you. Seeing you happy with someone else may remind your ex of what he lost, setting off feelings of resentment or longing. In some cases, stalking could be a means for your ex to maintain a sense of connection or control over you.

Signs that your ex is stalking you even if he has a girlfriend

If you suspect your ex is stalking you when he has a girlfriend, you’ll need to pay attention to his behavior. Whether they’re in a relationship or not, the signs your ex is stalking you are similar. Understanding these behaviors can help you protect yourself from potential harm and take action early before your ex’s behavior escalates.

Here are signs that your ex is stalking you even if he has a girlfriend:

1. Obsessive calls

Obsessive calls from an ex can be a clear sign of stalking. Receiving continuous and unwanted calls despite requests to stop can demonstrate a disregard for your boundaries and a desire to control you. Stalking often involves persistent attempts to maintain contact or monitor the victim’s activities—obsessive calls fit that bill.

What makes a call “obsessive?” Besides frequency, the calls' intensity can also be considered obsessive. These calls are often delusional, threatening, manipulative, or generally make you uncomfortable.

2. Sending unwanted messages

Whether sent via email, SMS, social media, or any other platform, unwanted messages can be considered a sign of stalking. A stalking ex may bombard you with messages with little regard for your (lack of) responses and ignore your requests to stop the messaging.

The content of the messages can be considered stalking if they contain inappropriate or harassing content, such as threats, insults, and attempts at manipulation. Some stalkers are outright aggressive. Others can try to appeal to your emotions or guilt-trip you into responding or reciprocating their feelings.

3. Spreading rumors about you

If an ex is spreading rumors about you, they may be trying to harm your reputation or undermine your relationships. This behavior is a sign of stalking because it demonstrates a desire to control and manipulate you. Stalkers may spread false information to damage your credibility or social standing—or make up outright lies to manipulate how others perceive you. Sometimes, stalkers target close individuals and try to isolate you from your social circle.

Besides alienating you from others, spreading rumors can leave a victim psychologically distraught, with lingering feelings of embarrassment and anxiety. It’s a shame, but often, victims are compelled to comply with their stalkers due to fear of the lasting social consequences of their rumors.

4. Collecting information

A stalking ex may systematically collect information about you, including personal details, habits, and routines. This can also involve monitoring your movements, tracking your web history, or using surveillance equipment. A stalking ex may also collect information through your social media, public records, or even your friends and family.

The obsessive collection of information by a stalking ex is usually part of a broader fixation on you and a desire to control you. Remember that information is just as dangerous as physical stalking—and they often go hand-in-hand. Information collected by a stalker can be used to intimidate, manipulate, or harm you, either directly or indirectly.

5. Sharing your personal information

Sharing your personal information can be a sign of stalking as it shows a clear violation of your privacy. It’s also manipulative, as your stalker ex is using the threat of exposing your personal information as a means to intimidate you and exert control over your life and actions.

If you shared a lot of personal information in your former relationship with your ex, they may use it against you—or at least threaten to. They may also try to gain more information about you for their threats. Do guys stalk their exes on social media? You bet! Your ex may stalk your social media even if he has a girlfriend.

6. Giving gifts

Giving gifts may seem harmless, but from a stalker ex, it’s a manipulative gesture. Your ex may use the act of “giving” to establish a sense of obligation to reciprocate in some way. Unwanted gifts disregard your boundaries and ultimately allow your ex to exert control or influence in your life.

Because you had a history with your ex, they likely have a good idea of your tastes and interests. They may try to tempt you with gifts that genuinely appeal to you. But if you’re dealing with a stalker, you probably have that gut instinct that tells you something is off. Trust that instinct, and don’t give in to your ex’s manipulative behavior. It’s not about the act of giving for him; it’s about the control over you.

7. Refuses to leave you alone

If your ex refuses to leave you alone, despite clearly asking him, it’s a big sign that you’re dealing with a stalker. However they choose to stalk you, it’s ultimately about disregarding your boundaries and trying to control you. Whether it’s aggressive or masked as kindness, your ex refusing to leave you alone is not something you should tolerate, as this behavior can escalate.

Stalkers have many ways to pester you, including physically following you, digitally spying on you, and influencing your friends and family. Your stalker ex is likely using a variety of means to exert himself into your life. All stalking incidents are different, but if your ex refuses to leave you alone—however that may be—it’s important to act.

What to do if your ex is stalking you even when he is in a new relationship

It can be very distressing if your ex is stalking you even when he has a girlfriend. Besides confusion, you may feel scared, angry, and/or powerless. However, there are steps you can take to protect yourself and address the situation.

Here’s what to do if your ex is stalking you even when he’s in a new relationship:

• Document everything: Keep a record of all interactions, including messages, emails, calls, or any instances of stalking behavior. These records can help give you perspective on your stalker ex’s patterns of behavior and can be crucial if you need to involve authorities later.
• Set boundaries: Clearly communicate to your ex that you don’t want any contact and that their behavior is unacceptable. Be firm and assertive in your actions. There should be no doubt about your feelings.
• Seek support: A stalking incident can be embarrassing and emotionally taxing—but don’t hesitate to seek the support of others. Reach out to friends, family or a therapist for emotional support and guidance during this stressful time. Gaining a perspective outside of your own can help you properly handle the situation.
• Consider legal options: If your ex’s stalking behavior continues or escalates, consider getting a restraining order or seeking advice from a lawyer. The laws regarding stalking vary by jurisdiction, so it’s important to understand your rights and options.

Here are some national resources that the CDC recommends:

• Victim Connect: 1-855-4victim (1-855-484-2846)
• National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1−800−799−7233 or TTY 1−800−787−3224
• The National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-HOPE (4673)

• Focus on your safety: Your stalking ex’s behavior can escalate quickly—so don’t take any chances with your safety. Take steps like changing your daily routine, investing in home security, or avoiding places you might encounter your ex. If necessary, adjust the safety measures you take according to your ex’s behavior.
• Block communication: For your own mental health, block your ex’s phone number, email address, and social media profiles. Ignore the communication if he finds a way to get through to you. A stalking situation is stressful enough; you don’t need a steady stream of communication from your ex to make it worse.
• Don’t overshare: You can be “feeding” your ex’s behavior by oversharing personal information on social media. Don’t share information about your daily schedule, relationships, contact information, or anything else your ex can use to help stalk you. Also, consider adjusting your privacy settings on social media to limit access to your personal information.
• Inform authorities: Do not hesitate to contact authorities if you feel threatened or unsafe. They can provide guidance and assistance on how to handle the situation effectively. You may be asked to file a police report that could lead to a restraining order or even the arrest of your ex.  
• Stay tech-savvy: Your devices contain a trove of personal information that your ex can use for stalking. Ensure your devices, like smartphones and laptops, are password-protected and updated with the latest security patches to prevent unauthorized access. And use 2FA on your accounts when you can.

Besides your crazy stalker ex, you’ll need to watch out for hackers and other snoops trying to gain access to your personal information via your devices. Spyware is malware designed to secretly gather information about you without your knowledge. A dedicated cybersecurity app, like Clario Anti Spy contains a suite of security tools to keep you and your data safe, including a Spyware detector.

Here’s how to scan for spyware with Clario Anti Spy:

1. Download Clario Anti Spy and get a subscription to create an account.
2. Click Run deep scan under Spyware scan.
3. Wait for Clario to check your device for spyware. If detected, follow the on-screen instructions to eliminate any identified threats.

Conclusion

It can be confusing if your ex is stalking you even if he has a girlfriend—but stalking is stalking. Take it seriously. It’s important to recognize signs of stalking early and take the necessary actions to stop or block your ex’s behavior. To keep your devices and personal information safe digitally, use Clario Anti Spy’s suite of cybersecurity tools.

Besides stopping your stalker ex, Clario Anti Spy’s tools are designed to prevent hackers and other bad actors from creeping on you. Our Spyware scan feature will detect hidden Spyware infections on your device, and our data breach monitor will inform you if your personal data has been leaked online. Clario Anto Spy will look over your digital shoulder so you can have peace of mind.