What to Do If Your Ex Is Stalking You

What is stalking?

While it may be hard to get over an ex, some people take it too far.  

In many cases, the stalker monitors their victim over periods of time in some way — be it in person or online. It makes the victim feel uncomfortable, irritated, violated, frustrated, and even scared.

If you’ve wondered, “Is my ex stalking me?”, ask yourself if you’ve experienced any signs of stalking. You might be being stalked by your ex if they:

• Call you nonstop, sometimes every day
• “Coincidentally” and repeatedly pop up wherever you are, like your home, your friend’s home, or your family member’s place unannounced
• Pitch up at your workplace
• Call you at work
• Harass or threaten your loved ones
• Call you from a different number or a private number
• Engage with all your posts on social media
• Harass you from their fake social media accounts
• Tap your phone. Here’s how to know if your phone is tapped
• Hack your phone. Learn how to tell if your phone is hacked
• Monitor your phone. Find out how to determine if your phone is being tracked or monitored
• Place listening tools in your home or office
• Ask your friends and family about you — whether you’re seeing a new girlfriend or boyfriend, what you’re up to, etc.
• Confront or threaten your male/female friends or current partner
• Follow your car
• Plant tracking devices on your car  
• Disturb your home or workplace
• Steal your mail and delivery packages
• Send threatening text messages and letters
• Drive past your house multiple times, sometimes slowing down
• Park around or outside your home and stake it out
• Send you unwanted gifts
• Aggressively comment on your social media posts.

There are many more signs you may be dealing with a stalker, like when your AirTag is not working. If you have even the slightest inkling your ex is stalking you, you’re probably right. The impact of stalking is not to be taken lightly.

Stalking in person

Stalking in person is constituted by repeated, unwanted contact with someone in real life. They just keep showing up and interacting with you, even when you’ve made it clear you don’t want to be in contact with them.  

Here’s what stalking in person looks like:

• Following you
• Watching you from a distance
• Driving past your home multiple times
• Leaving or stealing letters in your mailbox  
• Sending you gifts
• Spying on you
• Contacting you when you’ve made it clear they should stop
• Blowing up your phone
• Calling or texting you at odd hours — while you’re at work, at night, or in the early hours of the morning
• Damaging your property
• Threatening to hurt you or your loved ones.

Cyberstalking

Cyberstalking entails stalking someone online. Your stalker either monitors or harasses you virtually via email, text, and social media. According to a 2014 study, cyberstalking incidents last over a year and a half, on average.

A 2017 survey by the Pew Research Center found that 7% of American adults have been cyberstalked. The survey also found that approximately 30% of cyberstalking victims were stalked by a current partner or ex-lover.

Some people believe cyberstalking is less dangerous than stalking as there is no physical threat involved. But it's important to note that while some stalkers start their stalking campaigns online, they tend to end up stalking their victims in person. If your ex is stalking you on social media, there’s a possibility it might escalate.  

Below are examples of cyberstalking incidents:

• Spreading rumors or lies about you online
• Soliciting online audiences to harass you by posting your personal information online (also known as doxxing)
• Posting revenge porn or compromising texts
• Sending you unwanted or inappropriate texts, emails, and messages on social media (WhatsApp, Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, etc.)
• Bullying, threatening or harassing you on social media
• Monitoring your internet activity using spyware, IP tracking, and other tools (check out what your IP address reveals about you)
• Tracking your phone (how to know if someone is spying on your phone)
• Using your social media profiles  
• Impersonating you online
• Sending you inappropriate photos and videos
• Watching you on your phone (can someone watch you through your phone camera?).

Why do people stalk their ex?

The reasons people stalk their ex vary from person to person. It’s common for exes to make statements to the tune of, “I can’t be with anyone else” and “You’ll regret breaking up with me,” either before or during stalking incidents.

But sometimes, it’s as simple as your ex being jealous that you’ve moved on and found someone else. In many cases, exes stalk you because they aren’t ready for the relationship to end. It’s rare for an ex to stalk you when they initiated the breakup. In more sinister cases, people stalk their exes as a means to control them because they no longer have direct influence or control over their lives.

What to do if you are being stalked by an ex

While being stalked by your ex can make you feel helpless, there’s always something you can do.

Call 911

If you suspect you’re in danger, call 911. Describe the situation in as much detail as possible and give the operator your details, your ex’s details, and where you are at the time.

Stop being in denial

In many cases, your suspicions about being stalked are correct. The sooner you accept the reality that your ex is stalking you, the sooner you can do something about it.  

Don’t confront your stalker

Stalkers are unpredictable, and there’s no telling what your ex’s mental state is when they’re stalking you. That’s why you should avoid confronting or engaging with them unless you must defend yourself. This could agitate them and cause them to harm you.

Tell people what’s happening

People can offer advice and help in the form of emotional support and protection. More importantly, telling others about what’s going on exposes your ex. If they’re aware that people know they’re stalking you, they’re more likely to tread carefully.

Keep your address confidential and use an unlisted phone number

If you move to a different area of residence, ensure your ex doesn’t know. Only share your address and phone number with close friends and family. Get an unlisted phone number to avoid them contacting you.

Make a note of all stalking activities

Unfortunately, stalking incidents are notoriously hard to prosecute. However, you can build a case against your ex.  

Install a home security system. Keep a record of everything your ex does to prove they’re stalking you. Write down the details of their in-person interactions with you, including the dates and times. Keep these records somewhere safe and share copies with your lawyer or a loved one.  

Adjust your daily routine

It’s easy for stalkers to monitor you when they know your routine. Switch things up constantly by taking different routes to work, home, and other areas you frequent. Change the times you leave and come home. This will make it difficult for your ex to keep track of your movements.

Get new passwords

Chances are, your ex knows the passwords to your online accounts, so you must change them to something they’ll never guess. Create strong passwords. Consider using a password manager.

Use antivirus software

If your ex knows a thing or two about technology, they might infect your phone or laptop with viruses and malware to steal your personal information. These can be hard to identify.

Use antivirus software to keep your phone and computer virus-free. Clario is an anti-spying app that protects your personal information from people who have no business accessing it. Its Antivirus tool scans your device for threats and eliminates them. If you want to avoid getting a virus on your device from your ex, look no further than Clario.

Follow the steps below to use Clario’s Antivirus tool:

1. Download Clario
2. Get a subscription to create an account
3. Select the Device tab and tap the Start scan button in the Antivirus section
4. If Clario found any threats, tap Fix now, select the threat, and tap Uninstall > Uninstall > OK.

Clean up your social media accounts

Remove any pictures, videos, or comments that reveal any personal or identifying information from our social networks. This will make it difficult for your ex to keep track of you.

Make your social media accounts private

Likewise, setting your social media accounts to private will prevent your ex from monitoring your activity.

Be prepared to defend yourself

Keep weapons around your home and in your car, like in your doorways, bedrooms, and next to your doors. Take self-defense classes. Your ex probably doesn’t expect you to defend yourself, especially if you’re a woman, so be ready to act when necessary.  

Get a restraining order

Get the law involved by filing a restraining order from your ex that includes your home and workplace, if possible. This makes it easier for law enforcement to step in when your ex continues their shenanigans. If they violate it, you can call the police, so your ex can be detained. It’s also helpful for prosecuting your ex if they ever harm you.

What are your legal options?

As mentioned above, there are legal steps you can take against your stalker ex.

A restraining order

A restraining order is a court document that stipulates that someone can’t contact you, often because they pose a threat to you. Most states allow you to file for a restraining order against a stalker, and they can be arrested if they violate it. Here’s a list of state-specific restraining order laws.

Get a lawyer or a domestic violence organization to help you file one. It should include details about your stalker’s behavior towards you. Note that a restraining order doesn’t guarantee your ex will stop harassing you. It just helps to arrest and prosecute them if they violate it or hurt you. Don’t relax about protecting yourself; prioritize your online and offline safety.

A protective order

An order of protection is a court-issued document that helps protect you from a stalker or abusive partner, ex, husband/wife, or someone you have kids with. It’s usually granted after someone has been released on bail for a crime they’ve committed. You must be aged 17 or older to get a protective order.  

The document orders your ex to stop harassing and/or abusing you. If they violate the order, police will investigate and possibly arrest them, depending on the terms. It can also serve as evidence in court. Protective orders are state-specific, so research the details of getting one in your state.  

Resources to help

Check out these resources if you’re being stalked by an ex:

• US National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
• Victim Connect: 1-855-4VICTIM (1-855-484-2846)
• Stalking incident and behavior log
• National Center for Victims of Crime

Is your ex stalking you?

By now, you should have clarity about concerns your ex may be stalking you. Be aware of the signs, be careful what you share online and offline, and take legal action. Use Clario’s Antivirus tool to prevent your ex from infecting your mobile device or computer with a virus and possibly obtaining your data. Stay safe and alert.